Saturday, January 11, 2014

Is a Polar Vortex a Rock Band?

I hate to constantly blog about the weather, but right now the weather is a hot topic, no pun intended.

Few days ago we had a high of -10 degrees. Today we are looking at a high in the low 50 degree range; a sixty degree difference in less that a week.

Almost like I had hopped a plane from Alaska (which was actually warmer than Kentucky last week) to northern Texas. I went from sweating how I would pay my heating bill to sweating inside a light jacket.

What a January this has been. And it is supposed to be chilly again this coming week, as the Polar Vortex swings back into town.

I want to be on the committee that sits around and dreams up these names, I swear I do. Okay; I'm not certain there is a committee, but I'd bet there is. Not bet the farm certain, but bet a strawberry milkshake certain.

How else do we wind up with meteorological terms like Polar Vortex? Or Wintery Mix? Or my personal favorite: microburst event.

I mean seriously; Polar Vortex? it sounds like a movie title, for a cheap James Bond style rip-off. Or maybe a Captain Video style Saturday Morning Serial Hero.

I can hear the snorts and laughter in the background; So I think I could do better?

Yes; I think I could.

Just off the top of my head, how about:

Cold Snap

It describes the weather event, conveys all of the information the listener needs to know and doesn't require anything more than a free phone app to understand.

Of course , it does fail in some ways that really don't matter.

It can no way be connected to "Global Warming"; "Global Cooling" or even "Climate Change".

Which I don't actually consider a fault.

Isn't that where these newfangled terms come from? I mean it is Really hard to connect a cold snap to any Man Caused Global weather change. My Great-Grandma lived through cold snaps.  My Dad knows what a cold snap is. They were common when I was growing up. Nothing new about a cold snap.

BUT a Polar Vortex; that is something new. We have never had cold weather caused by a Polar Vortex before. There just might be something to this "Global Weather changy-thingy" after all.

But I would be willing to bet that every cold snap this area has ever lived through was caused by the same phenomenon that is now gloriously called a Polar Vortex.

This may sound like a meaningless issue, but it isn't. Language has to mean something. Not just once, but consistently. And it has to be free.

The idea that a cold snap can suddenly become a Polar Vortex means some part of the language has lost its meaning. How far is it from the point where language is controlled to the point where language is forbidden? And then the concepts behind those words forbidden?

We have a lot of freedoms in this country, but the freedom from being offended isn't one of them.

Unless you happen to be in a legally protected group. As a male Christian, I am not in any protected group. I am legally not allowed to be offended by anything, but am legally bound to not offend anyone that may disagree with me.

So I think a Polar Vortex is a cold snap, dressed up in a borrowed tuxedo, and I dare you to disagree with me.

Arguing about the weather is still the one area we can discuss without me causing any offense. At least it was the last time I checked.

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