Sunday, March 29, 2009

A letter from my Cousin

Dear Cousin Red,

I just thought I’d drop a line to let y’all know how things are here in Gunkel Holler. Y’all probably remember that the Holler is a small place. Well, okay, it’s a really small place. But just ‘cause we have our “You are now entering”, and the “You are now leaving” signs one above the other on the same pole doesn’t mean there ain’t smaller places.

And we have our excitement; just last year we had a small circus come through. Well, all it really was was two fellers and an albino goat, but they called it a circus. And three years ago we repainted the barbershop, and got to watch haircuts and paint dry for the same quarter! It seemed like a big deal at the time, but lookin’ back it may have just been the fumes.

We do our level best to stay up with the times. The town council bought a traffic light ‘bout 2 years ago, but we canceled the order when our entire police force pointed out that we didn’t have any cross streets. You probably remember that our entire police force holds their meetings in the front seat of the patrol car. Well, actually it’s not a car as such, but an old three-speed bike with a siren on the front, but we call it a patrol car. We are plannin’ on getting’ a patrol car any time now, just as soon as the chief gets his driver’s license back. (He swears he didn’t know that them parking tickets from the Big City were bad news, he thought they gave him permission to park, you know, like a ticket to a ball game.)

Y’all probably remember that we have our own school system, including a high school. My eldest boy is proudly the class of 2008; not a member of the class, but the whole thing. Since he graduated as class dictator (or somethin’ like that) he had offers from places like Harvard and Yale. He took the job in Harvard. The guy at Yale wouldn’t let him drive the tractor.

Anyway, the reason I took pen in hand is ‘cause I got a new job. I’m now officially the Gunkel Holler Water Commissioner. It’s not much of a job, but it’s the only one my uncle, the Mayor, had left. He made my brother the dogcatcher. He always did like my brother best.

Best wishes from all of us in the Holler,

Throckmorton Q. Sheisseschnitter

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Everyday I find it easier to get by without "News"

I am an edjamakated redneck, not a high tech one; I usually have trouble getting hypelinks to work; but I'll try agian:

This article (which I found via blake's blog, The Bit Maelstrom {}) is a hachet job if I've ever seen one. But the most egregious comment is from Richard Hesse, professor emeritus of constitutional law at the Franklin Pierce Law Center in Concord (New Hampshire):

“When you think about this claim that if a state believes a federal law is unconstitutional it can just ignore it, then I presume if a county believed a state law was unconstitutional it could just ignore it," Hesse said. "Really what's implicit in this is an unwillingness to recognize a lawful authority."

This guy TAUGHT ConLaw?!?!?!?

I admittedly am no Conlaw expert, but if the 10th Amendment limits the power of the federal government to its enumerated powers, and the states are seeking to exercise their rights under the 10th Amendment;

FIRST: how can Hesse state that they states are ignoring what they consider to be unconstitutional? They aren’t ignoring anything- yet. The states are putting the federal government on notice that they seeking to enforce their 10th Amendment rights.

SECOND: the county/state comparison doesn’t fly, unless a state constitution has a similar clause, limiting the power of the state to its enumerated powers and reserving all others to the county.

No state I am aware of has such a clause; in fact, don’t most state constitutions start by claiming sovereignty?

THIRD: this is not an unwillingness to recognize lawful authority; it is a return of the lawful authority to the states and removing it from the federal government.

The whole article as a hack job, and the author probably had to search long and hard to find a senile old professor who would give him the quote he wanted.

And they wondered why nobody buys a newspaper anymore.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Have I ever mentioned my Cousin?

I may not have mentioned my cousin Throckmorton; he isn’t really somebody you can bring up in most conversations.

He is actually a second cousin, once removed. I always thought once removed meant you were of the same age, but didn’t share a grandparent. According to Throckmorton, once removed means somebody who has been kicked out of the family reunion, and then let back in. He may not be correct, but Throckmorton does have his moments.

He lives down south, in a little town called Gunkel Holler. I asked him one time exactly what a holler was. According to Cousin Throckmorton, a holler is the spot between two hills, where the tops are close enough together to holler across. Again, I don’t think he’s right, but he does have his moments.

Occasionally I’ll get a letter from Cousin T, as I call him for short- he hates that by the way. “Throckmorton is my name” he’ll say “go ahead and use it”. One conversation we had went something like this:

“Hey Cousin ‘T’!
“Throckmorton is my name, go ahead and use it”.
“Well, Throckmorton is a mouthful. What do your friends call ya?”
“Oh. The other kin?”
“Oh. How ‘bout you’re wife?”
“Depends. How mad at me is she?”

I let that one go. There are some things I’m not brave enough to ask.

“Oh. How ‘bout your Mama?”
“Mama calls me Rocky.”
“That’ll work for me. Can I call you Rocky?”
“Yep. As soon as you’re my Mama.”

Anyway, Throckmorton will occasionally send me a letter. I may pass them along; you just never know what he has on his mind.

Friday, March 20, 2009

The Althouse Cincinnati Meet up

Yes, I was there, and apparently my choice off the menu has not met with unanimous approval.

Even my old buddy and fellow duke fanatic has been giving me grief about it.

So I posted this on his blog, and thought; what the Hell; I’ll post it here too!

Now dag nab it Trooper; I ate the Hot Brown (which was actually more like a Hot White- being chicken & all and not the original Roast Beef- but the chicken is healthier, not that I'm worried about my health, but... Where was I? Oh, yeah).

Any way, it was not a crap sandwich as you have portrayed (yeah it did look pretty wild when it came out of the kitchen with a knife stuck in it- and this was a classy place; well classier anyway- I mean it is usually the dives where something comes out of the kitchen with a knife in it- and its usually the cook... Where was I? Oh, yeah).

It was a pretty good sandwich (I mean the comments over at Althouse; Heart attack on a bun! It was CHICKEN for cryin' out loud! It’s the original white meat! Not like it was pork or something… Where was I? Oh, yeah).

And I was with some classy folks (not that I would meet and tell you understand, but you know Althouse was there; how much classier can you get? And the place actually served long neck PBRs! Do you expect a place like that to serve a crap sandwich? I mean hell, it’s not the Congressional Dining Room for Pete’s sake! I mean there they KNOW a crap sandwich when they serve one… Where was I? Oh, yeah).

So, I want y’all to lay off my dinner; it was a great place and a helluva good time (you know the place has been open since 1861? My Great-Granddad ran a hotel on that block in the 1870’s; most likely he probably had at least one beer there himself, back in the day. He was German ya know we seem to have some sort of reputation as beer drinkers… Where was I? Oh, yeah).

Any way Darcy, as much I would like to accommodate you and spill the beans on last night (now there’s a meal that would deserve comments! What if I would have had a plate of beans and rice? Not like a place classy as that, and on the northern side of the river would even serve beans, but… Dag nab it; did it again! Where was I? Oh, yeah).

A gentleman never tells the details. We had a good time, ate a good meal and all parted amicably.

One detail I will spill; Not only did I get to meet Althouse; I also got to meet Silvio.

And he took me at the light. I got to admit THAT was not the highlight of the evening (no redneck, even us edjamikated ones, like to admit that we lost a drag race, but her ‘chauffer’ caught me flat-footed trying to retune the radio when the light changed. First I knew the light was green was when I heard the roar of an Audi’s exhaust… Where was I? Oh, yeah).

The End.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

I Wish I Could Blog From My Car.

Everyday on the way home I have a great idea for a post. The whole thing is laid out from title to final, funny line.

And then I get home, eat some dinner, interact with the family for a bit, do some items from the chore list and then sit down at the computer to write a post….

And nothing. What was that Pulitzer Prize (is there a Pulitzer for blogging? Why ain’t there? But, I digress) post that I had so carefully crafted just a few hours ago?

Oh, I remember now! It was about… no, that ain’t it. Was it…? Nope, not that either.


Oh well. Maybe this will work.

Have you ever noticed that when you don’t have time to stop for gas (you know, late for work or some such) every gas station you pass has gas for next to nothing, but on your way home the price has jumped 30 cents?

Yesterday I was on my way to work, running a little late as usual, and the BP had premium for $1.82 a gallon. Sweet! I’ll stop on the way home!

On the way home it was $1.92; this afternoon it was $2.12. What the hell is up with that? Did I miss the refinery blowing up? Or was it Argentina?

I guess that’s life. You get one shot at the big deal; don’t blow it.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

What happened to Mitch McConnell?

Okay, here’s the point; will we survive the next 2 years?

My one saving grace was the Republicans in the Senate (well, except for Snow, Specter and the other RINO form Maine), including my own Senator, Mitch McConnell.

Then I hear today that good ole Mitch has 75 million in earmarks in the latest Unstimulus Bill. What am I supposed to think?

Yeah Kentucky might have some short term benefit, but at what cost? Apparently not at the cost of good ole Mitch’s principles. Damn the bad luck.

What have we go to do to get that cesspool on the Potomac under control? We gave the Republicans total control for 6 years, and they screwed us wore than the democrats did, present Congress excepted of course.

Now the Dems are back in the driver’s seat, and out to prove (last 6 years of Repub control not to the contrary) that they are the party of big government and bigger spending.

Why haven’t we heard a word out of the Libertarians? Where in the Hell are they now that we need them?

Aw Hell, I need a beer. Or bourbon. Or both.