Another Letter From My Cousin

Dear Cousin Red,

I had a minute an’ wanted to make sure I dropt’ y’all a line wishin’ you and yours a Merry Christmas an’ a Happy New Year.

Well, at least as Happy a New Year as y’all can have with them durned Democrats in charge.

We heard about that midnight vote they pulled off in Washington. Just like a damned burglar stealin’ my money at night, they didn’t have the courage to pull this crap in the light a’ day, did they?

But anyway, talkin’ ‘bout Christmas Cards, Cousin Kate got a strange ‘un the other day from some folks she didn’t know. It a’pears that it wasn’t meant to come to Cousin Kate, or even the Holler. The Letter was addressed to almost the same street and house number, but to a completely different city in UK. I knew the University of Kentucky was getting big, but I didn’t think they had their own cities inside the University.

We got to lookin’ at the address an’ Ol’ Uncle Bob got his hands on it, and ‘cause he onct had a girl friend in England he reckoned the address as bein’ in the U. K. Well, that made the card even more interstin’, being meant for a foreign country an’ all.

We was sittin’ ‘round the bar that night, drinkin’ a few beers and discussin’ the days events like we always do and Granny got ta talkin’ ‘bout Kate’s Card. She reckons that the Post Office has been deliverin’ mail as long as she can rec’olect, and probably longer than that. Aunt Ann says that the Post Office was started before the Revolution, which makes it older than the Holler. She figures it to have been formed in maybe 10 or 12 B. H. (Before Holler), which means they been deliverin’ mail for ‘bout 250 years. An’ they still have trouble getting’ it right.

Uncle John, who just turned 65 and had to go on Medicare, got ta talkin’ ‘bout how long the gov’ment’s been handlin’ healthcare almost 50 years and ain’t got that right yet either. He figures that one of the reasons the gov’ment decided to take over the whole doctorin’ business is that way nobody could compare just how bad of a job they do with Medicare, if’n there ain’t nuthin’ to compare it to. He figures it was easier to take over the whole works than it was ta fix the problems with what they already ran.

Best wishes from all of us in the Holler,

Throckmorton Q. Sheisseschnitter