Another Letter From my Cousin

Dear Cousin Red,

I am a little worried ‘bout sumthin’ an’ I hope y’all can help me figur’ this out.

I hear tell that we have a new robot President. I am kinda glad we have a new President. I warn’t too fond of the old one. I mean hellfire, we ain’t had a real President since Reagan, and before him tha last real President we had was Jeff Davis.



Sorry ‘bout the break there. Talkin’ ‘bout Jeff Davis reminded me I had ta bring in the flag. Where was I? Oh yeah- the new robot President. What I want to know is this here. Can a robot be President? I mean hellfire, we start putting machinery in the White House I’d rather have John Deere in there than that Obama feller.

Look at it this way. All that Obama feller has done is take what I make. An’ so far I ain’t seen much of it back. My ol’ John Deere takes from me too, but at last I get a lil’ sumthin’ for what it takes. My A Model takes sum gas an’ oil an’ water and gives we a fair days work. That’s all anybody can ask fer- a fair days work for a fair days pay.

It looks like Obama wants to take my gas an’ oil, tax my water an’ leave me hopin’ for sum change back. (I heared that somewhere an’ have been dying for a place to use it for a week a’ Sundays.) An’ I don’t see nuthin’ fair ‘bout that.

Do y’all figur’ this robot President is gonna be differ-rent, or do y’all figur’ he’ll be ‘bout the same? Y’all know the one thing you can count on is the President puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like plain folks. But can this new President even put on his own pants, or does he need help? I hear tell he needs help with his speechafyin’, so maybe he needs help with his pants too. It wouldn’t be anew thing, now would it? I ‘member that that Clinton feller always needed help with his pants too -sum way or ‘nuther.

I mean, I watch tha robots on TV all the time and tha new ones can do sum purty neat things. But none of them ones on TV wear pants- y’all know what I mean? The one thing a man can count on is that his President has a lil’ sumthin’ in common with folks. Like my John Deere- we both love getting’ out in the spring and feelin’ the dirt in our hands. At least, I think my ol’ Deere loves doin’ it. I ain’t never heared him complain none.

Well Cousin, I guess that’s about it. I hope to hear back from you as soon as y’all is able.

Best wishes from all of us in the Holler,

Throckmorton Q. Sheisseschnitter